"Home Sweet Home"

First off...thanks to my sister who brought me back to this Blog by creating one of her own(which I love by the way).

I created this blog awhile back but was too scared to write one word because at the time I was coming from a place of anger and sadness and thought that would be one very dreary blog. I am so not that type of person...or am I?

Yeah yeah yeah...so what I was angry. I was...is...AM still sad but I am coping and I am living. Living..yes living! In a world which seems so foreign to me and in a world the man I fell in love with calls home. It's HIS Home Sweet Home. Literally I am living in his "Home Sweet Home". The home he grew up in, the very streets he learned how to ride his first bike on. The backyard pool he learned to take his first doggy paddle in. The front door step he took big juicy bites of watermelon as the seeds laid scattered beneath his feet which now lay buried in the dirt. Ok you get the picture.

Now.. I am happy HE is home but I am sad I am missing my own. I spend day in and day out trying to figure out how a girl not just any girl a mixed breed, predominantly Hispanic girl is going to find her place in this small town of predominantly Caucasian people. I see white people! Ok but its not just about me I have 3 girls from a previous marriage gone bad that are on this same journey and this makes it harder for me to cope. I worry for them day in and out. I still remember sending them off to school in this small town thinking, "What have I done?" how are they going make it in this town where I have heard racism exists. I thought OMG I didn't think this whole thing out this far ahead. The What if's ran through my mind I could not rest that whole first day til they walked through that door. I made sure to be in hiding when they did to avoid the evil stares of which I cannot blame them.

Ok fast forward to a year later we are past the stares, the "I HATE IT HERE", the "CAN I BE HOMESCHOOLED" but not quite over "When are we going to California?" I do not think we can ever be over going back home since this to "US" is "HOME SWEET HOME". It is where we took our first breath, it is the pavement we took our first steps, it is the sandy beaches in which we dug our baby toes into, the first sunset we gazed upon, but most important it is where our family still resides. It is where a huge part of us still is. There is no taking that away. Home is where you were born, the familiar streets you walked, the skies you looked up to for answers day after day when pondering life's hardest lessons to be learned. I cried, laughed, danced, loved, lived and shared so much back in MY Home Sweet Home. So it is only right to want to go back. I have learned there is no getting over missing home, I have learned I can't be angry when I am blessed, I have learned I can't be sad anymore because it is keeping me from the joy this new journey will bring me. I am a stubborn girl so this may take awhile but eventually I will give in and this too shall one day be my Home Sweet Home!

As for my girls they are thriving in school, made tons of friends and are learning along with me...this change is not as bad as we dramatically made it out to be. We are still alive, still loving life, and still missing home..some things will never change.

Ahhh..Home Sweet Home! When can I go Back?


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