Everything Is Not Okay!

What started out as a routine nightly check in to tell my girls good night and to make sure all electronic devices are put up(with the exception of anything that plays music but minus the texting or any socializing abilities) I walked in upon one of my baby girls. My baby girl who seems to thrive off of all things in the social networking world. But unlike any other night she was hunched over her IPOD in hand sitting on her knees with a look on her face that looked far from happy. My first reaction was to get angry because she knew better. It was way past her bedtime! But I digressed! I pushed the anger down and joked, "Did you think I wouldn't notice you were still awake?" Mama notices everything! Without saying one word she got up and gave me the longest biggest bear hug I have ever received from my now 14 year old. I hugged tighter, we rocked back and forth in silence in the moment. I wanted to panic! I NEEDED to know ASAP what was wrong with my baby girl. But I digressed once again. I played it cool not letting her in on the panic attack I was having on the inside. I told her I love her, stroked her long shiny black hair. I couldn't take the suspense! "Sweetie what's the matter?" I asked still hugging tight. "I miss my family!" I in a sincere response, "Well sweetie we are right here, we are right outside the door come join us!" I broke the tears into laughter...sighhh:) "No mom my family back in California. I miss all my cousins, my grandma, my dad." Of course I knew this is what she meant. But see sincerely I thought she was handling it well. I thought unlike me she was having the time of her life making new friends. I was so wrong! EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY!

We walked out of her sleeping sister's room who was oblivious to the tears over the foot of her bed. It was 1am and I was about to shut my tired eyes before I came in to find her. But I felt the need to stay up with her...IT WAS A NEED! My baby girl needed me right now. "You wanna watch a movie?" I asked. "No I just wanna talk. I like just talking to you." she said. My heart melted. "Oh ok" I played it cool again but was totally jumping for joy on the inside, "MY TEEN DAUGHTER DOES LOVE ME!" I thought for sure I was hated through all those rolling of the eyes, the demands to clean, go to bed, GET OFF THE COMPUTER! I thought I was uncool and just mean mommy in her eyes. Come to find out~ She Loves Me! She loves talking to me...sighhh! My tired eyes instantly get a second wind and we did just that. We sat on the couch talking for 3 more hours! We talked about Home..sighhh. Funny times, sad times, friends,boys, and of course God. She had a lot of questions, but I knew this. Cassie has always been full of questions and curious about every little thing. We talked and talked. It felt good! I think..NO..I KNOW I NEEDED that just as much as her. As I was about to get up to call it a night she grabbed my pant leg the closest thing she could grab and kissed it. We both started laughing hysterically:) I reached down to give one more great big hug before hittin the pillow. "Mom, how could anyone not like you?" Sighhhh....I wanted to cry but instead I giggled with delight. My reply, "Well honey how could anyone not LOVE you?"

The clock struck 4am and our hurting,frustrated hearts were able to sleep in peace that night. We gave into the moment. We didn't let our sleepy eyes dictate the outcome. Had I went to sleep I would have missed out on an unforgettable night and my baby girl would have went to sleep crying instead of smiling. I love night's like these when Everything Can Be Made Okay with a hug, a talk, a kiss!
Sighhhhhhhhh.....
XO~MJ