When Mama Hurts.....

It was a Friday afternoon, I was off to a good start. House cleaned, baby bathed, laundry done, read my blogs, talked to Bela my friend back from Cali, things were going great! I was having what I considered a TGIF day!

Then during my quiet time while baby was napping I decided to call my wonderful Mother who I miss terribly. She just had surgery and I wanted to see how she was doing day 2. Dialed number...great....phone rings...great. A woman on the other end in a muffled voice says, "hello" almost unrecognizable. "Mom" I question..."Yes Mija, it's me"...my heart fell to the floor it was then I knew I WANTED...NEEDED to be home. I heard her pain the kind you want to take on yourself so the one you love doesn't have to feel this way. I felt so helpless thousands of miles away. My mother the strong woman I know who I rarely ever see cry or ask for help seemed to be needing relief at this very moment and I could only offer words. Wishing..no PRAYING her pain would stop! I tried my hardest not to let my mother hear my sobbing. I was trying to be the strong one like I do for my baby girls. I realized at this moment the roles were reversed. I was wanting to play mommy to "MY MOMMY". I wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, kiss her boo boo and sing a lullabye in her ear. I wanted to BE THERE to comfort her to stroke her hand, her face, to hold her hand. I NEEDED to be there but instead I AM HERE!

We hung up the phone and I let it all out! I felt so guilty missing these important times. Then it hit me! There will be more times like these to come! What am I going to do when the going gets tough. I WANT...NEED to be there. This is "THE WOMAN" who struggled to raise all 5 of us girls solo. Who worked her tail off to put food on the table, to make ends meet, had to keep tabs on the wild child(me), had to do it all. She is a ROCK! I know my mom to be "THE ROCK!" the one that gets us all through the bad times. So here I am realizing times will be coming and she will NEED me more and I WILL NEED HER! I miss her more than words can say...I wonder if she truly knows or understands just how much!

Day 3 the phone rings! It is my oldest sister Sandra. She is calling to reassure me mom is feeling better. She states, "Mom wanted me to call you and let you know she is feeling better, she didn't mean to scare you." WOW! I didn't even know she could sense my fear and worry I thought I was hiding it well. How awesome is my Mother, through all her pain she still thought, "I better call Mari and tell her I am fine" she was comforting me even in her extreme moments of pain.

There are no words to describe the awesome woman my mother is. She is strong, smart, full of heart, laughter, love. She has managed to love all her daughters equally with as much heart and passion and taken our faults and somehow even embraced those. She has let us be who we are. Guiding us only when it seemed urgent. Giving us words of wisdom at just the right times. She is My Mother and I feel blessed to call myself her daughter!
I Love You Mom!!
XO~MJ